So, in case it is not obvious, I have not been online in a while. With the exception of a few tweets, I feel like I fell off the social media cliff. I have not been creative, I have not been doing research or daily readings/meditations, I have just not had time to. Life, as it usually does, got in the way, family arrived, family left, there was loss and hope and anger and joy. So you know, life.
This got me to thinking, mainly due to my guilt over not posting or getting new episodes out and imposter syndrome. What do we owe others, what do we owe ourselves, and how does it relate to magic and our spiritual journey? At what point is it okay to step away, if so is there anything needed to come back to it? Or do we simply pick up where we left off? And where do we go from there?
As a person this is always a deeply personal question. There is no right or wrong answer, there is no full way of disclosing what is going on in our hearts. There is no way of knowing for sure what you have lost until you pick it up again. That I think is that hardest part about walking away from witchcraft, or anything really, is that when it is time to start picking it backup again, it is too easy to say “should I even?”.
And that is okay.
People nowadays feel the need to apologize to everyone, especially online. I cannot begin to count how many times I have seen the “Hey guys, sorry I have been gone from Twitter, here is the reason why…..” or the “Hey guys, I need to take a break for a while due to…”. I have seen this on Twitter, the book of faces, Instagram, etc. I think that we forget that we don’t owe anyone anything, and especially with the rise of the internet, we feel that we are owed explanations from individuals we do not even know. Who are we to demand an explanation or apology, and who are we to damn ourselves for deciding not to share?
In my own personal journey, this is something I have encountered a few times. Magic and witchcraft is a journey, it is an art form. It is something you do from the soul. As such, when you step away or come back to it, it can be a deeply personal thing. One that is as much as part of you as the magic itself. I think people forget this online, I think people forget this in real life, and I think people forget that they are not owed anything.
All we owe in life is to give ourselves our best chance. Life is hard and rough, it is complicated and filled with beauty and terror. It is complicated to navigate and it is even harder to make sense of. It doesn’t matter if you are 10 or 50 or 100, this is true of everyone. There are good times and stressful times, however those times do not define you and your craft. The magic comes from inside, it is always in you and never leaves. It doesn’t dissipate or weaken, it is not a muscle. Magic is part of your spirit, it has a cost of leaving a mark on your heart, and it has the power to change everything it touches. How can that ever go away? How can you ever have your spirit become lesser?
I think it is time we all step back and simply breathe. I think it is time to stop apologizing for being who we are and what we are going through. It is time to stop asking others to share why they are gone and where they went. It is time to stop beating ourselves up for needing to step away, and it is okay if we do not come back to it. People change, in fact the very nature of magic and witchcraft is change, and we need to acknowledge it.
I have this blog and podcast because of my love of writing, as a creative outlet, and sharing my knowledge. I do it because I like to think there are people out there who enjoy my writings and find the information helpful. I need to remind myself of that sometimes. I need to stop punishing myself because life happens and feeling guilty as I seem to never have enough time in a day anymore. I need to stop glancing guilty at my altar, or my grimoire, or even at my tarot and oracle decks.
It is time to remember that magic is change, the soul changes. It is time to remember that life happens and the most we can do is sometimes just breathe.
And that is okay.